23/11/15 What a week it has been! My amazing daughter went into early labour and stayed in hospital a week as my grandson would have been 6 weeks early. She is home now and trying to cope with the discomfort.... Whilst visiting her I had a message to say my eldest brother Michael was seriously ill in hospital so I popped across to visit him and 20 minutes later he died. All that I have been through, cancer, nursing dad then him dieing whilst I was having my treatment but this has really knocked me. It is just so sad that my big brother is no longer with us. I had the opportunity to tell him I loved him and see him but the emotions are so raw and unexpected. It was made even more difficult having to tell my mum her eldest son has died.
I have more surgery on Wednesday to finish off my reconstruction and what should be a celebration I feel might be very underwhelming under the circumstances. I hope this feeling of emotion subsides soon but time will be the thing to make a difference.
I can't express how much I am looking forward to my grandson being here. He will be able to feel the love in my heart, I will make sure of that.
Monday 23 November 2015
Friday 13 November 2015
A set back great!
02/12/14 7am and to get ready to go and see my consultant, I had a set back - infection and an open wound so back to the RLI and intravenous antibiotics and dressing changes. Audra came with me and I almost collapsed but thanks to her supporting me I was well looked after and home the next day. I am hoping today (into 7th week) he will let me drive and get back to work. It's a fine line of resting and getting depressed so I will explain how it's making me feel. I had cabin fever not being able to drive and not having friends who don't work, it was pants.
22/12/14 All went well at my appointment and I am now back at work and don't I know it. all sorts happening but now first day of Christmas hols. Physio this morning then shopping in the hope of getting sorted for Christmas. Flash has decided we are having a family/friends party on Boxing Day.
What a party it was, fantastic :)
22/12/14 All went well at my appointment and I am now back at work and don't I know it. all sorts happening but now first day of Christmas hols. Physio this morning then shopping in the hope of getting sorted for Christmas. Flash has decided we are having a family/friends party on Boxing Day.
What a party it was, fantastic :)
Wednesday 11 November 2015
Reconstruction, the gown & stockings are coming!
19/10/14 Here in hospital finally ready for my reconstruction. I've had an emotional weekend with everyone being with me. John having some big decisions to make about coming home or staying with his dad. Jenna being her amazing self, organising and getting me ready. She is wonderful. Elena is her preoccupied 11 yr old self gorgeous and lost in her own world building relationships and enjoying life. She makes me smile.
20/10/14 5.50am (the morning of my op) Just borrowed a charger off one of the nurses and can now let Flash know how much I love him. He is my rock never letting me down and making me feel safe and loved no matter how I look. This has all been made so much easier because I have him and all his love. So all is going to change in the next few hours. I know I am going to be in pain but others have done it and it's all bed worth it. I really hope my kids don't freak out. I've text Flash to ask Elena if she wants to come, i'm not sure it's a good idea today. It's really bizarre how much calmer I felt once I got here to hospital, I think it's been to waiting and the count down to it. My room is massive, I suppose for all the stuff I will need. My surgeon is lovely and I trust him so much with the op today. He has given me a lot of confidence remembering all the details of who I am. I'm a twin etc...... lovely lovely gentleman. There's a real calm in the air - clock ticking and empty rooms all around it's very quiet up this end of the ward. The nurses are lovely, the few I have met and I am feeling totally happy with everything. :) Nurse Chris is looking after me and she is great, i'm happy, she is excited for me and can't wait to see my new 'boob'. It all begins from here first checks done and gown and stockings coming eeeeeeeK!!!!!!!!!!!
20/10/14 5.50am (the morning of my op) Just borrowed a charger off one of the nurses and can now let Flash know how much I love him. He is my rock never letting me down and making me feel safe and loved no matter how I look. This has all been made so much easier because I have him and all his love. So all is going to change in the next few hours. I know I am going to be in pain but others have done it and it's all bed worth it. I really hope my kids don't freak out. I've text Flash to ask Elena if she wants to come, i'm not sure it's a good idea today. It's really bizarre how much calmer I felt once I got here to hospital, I think it's been to waiting and the count down to it. My room is massive, I suppose for all the stuff I will need. My surgeon is lovely and I trust him so much with the op today. He has given me a lot of confidence remembering all the details of who I am. I'm a twin etc...... lovely lovely gentleman. There's a real calm in the air - clock ticking and empty rooms all around it's very quiet up this end of the ward. The nurses are lovely, the few I have met and I am feeling totally happy with everything. :) Nurse Chris is looking after me and she is great, i'm happy, she is excited for me and can't wait to see my new 'boob'. It all begins from here first checks done and gown and stockings coming eeeeeeeK!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 9 November 2015
Cancer takes no prisoners!
09/11/15 I have been give the privilege of meeting some incredible people recently who have been going through some horrid times. They have taken me back to the time of hearing the news that I had cancer and not really knowing what that meant. Yes, I am very aware of the seriousness of my diagnosis and the treatment that I have had but for some people it continues. Just when you think you have got through it and can start to get on with your life then suddenly you are dealt the hand that it either hasn't gone or it has come back. That is why I know I am lucky and value where I am in my personal cancer life. Having the door closed and waved goodbye by the consultants and the nurses should in fact make you feel relieved and the party poppers should be out but that is far from how it feels and the reality of it is that you have to now live with 'will it come back?' and how will I know if it is back? Questions, Questions, Questions............
Thursday 5 November 2015
Just another waiting game!
08/09/14 Elena's first day at high school a big day for her and she has enjoyed it. I wonder how long that will last? We have had a fantastic weekend for Max's birthday, pizza hut on Friday with Carole, Mac, me , Flash & Elena. Blockpool zoo Saturday with John, Rebekkah, Max, Flash & Elena. It was great having John home I do miss him. Saturday night at the club. Sunday at Vintage Pooch Parade with work which went really well. Jenna's wedding was perfect in every way from start to finish. So many amazing memories.
So blood results back and all is ok so I am now on standby for surgery again, just another waiting game. It's the worst part of all of this 'the waiting' It makes me feel like I'm a pest and shouldn't bother the H.C.P at the hospital because it's not life saving. But it's a massive part of the process because it will at some point give me closure to everything. And at the same time hopefully make me feel more femanine. Oh I can then lose some weight. :) I'm carrying on as normal and what will be will be. Well my new normal........ not what it was but what it has become.
So blood results back and all is ok so I am now on standby for surgery again, just another waiting game. It's the worst part of all of this 'the waiting' It makes me feel like I'm a pest and shouldn't bother the H.C.P at the hospital because it's not life saving. But it's a massive part of the process because it will at some point give me closure to everything. And at the same time hopefully make me feel more femanine. Oh I can then lose some weight. :) I'm carrying on as normal and what will be will be. Well my new normal........ not what it was but what it has become.
Wednesday 4 November 2015
Another scan!
09/05/14 I had a check up on Tuesday and a scan on my chest my consultant said my chest wall has got worse - pain and slight swelling but all was ok yeh!! (i'm sure i didn't feel like it went that quick waiting for the result).
Woke up today with the good news my friend will possibly just need radiotherapy and tablets and they had got all the cancer out. Her words to me were "Andrea, i'm shell shocked - there was 2 tumours tucked under the scar tissue. Still waiting on the HER2 results but it's likely to be radio & hormone therapy! So relieved & sat having my nails put back on to celebrate so far so good xxx I can not put into words what your support has meant xxxx" The feeling of helping someone else no matter how small is amazing. I love the fact that she knows I am here for her.
I don't ever want to worry about sharing my experience and I know I have been able to take the possitives from it. Cancer = negativity to so many people and yes it is sad to loose someone dear to us because of it but it can also bring so many other things. I now have a real purpose to life and goodness me how I appreciate my family in a totally different way. Deep I know but true!
I put in my journal More test result have come back clear which i'm relieved about. That's twice on one page I have made it sound so simple. I am now wondering if that is my way of dealing with the build up, waiting and then receiving of the results. It really is hell and not simple in anyway going through TESTS/RESULTS and receiving of the information...... Those of you who have gone through it, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
Woke up today with the good news my friend will possibly just need radiotherapy and tablets and they had got all the cancer out. Her words to me were "Andrea, i'm shell shocked - there was 2 tumours tucked under the scar tissue. Still waiting on the HER2 results but it's likely to be radio & hormone therapy! So relieved & sat having my nails put back on to celebrate so far so good xxx I can not put into words what your support has meant xxxx" The feeling of helping someone else no matter how small is amazing. I love the fact that she knows I am here for her.
I don't ever want to worry about sharing my experience and I know I have been able to take the possitives from it. Cancer = negativity to so many people and yes it is sad to loose someone dear to us because of it but it can also bring so many other things. I now have a real purpose to life and goodness me how I appreciate my family in a totally different way. Deep I know but true!
I put in my journal More test result have come back clear which i'm relieved about. That's twice on one page I have made it sound so simple. I am now wondering if that is my way of dealing with the build up, waiting and then receiving of the results. It really is hell and not simple in anyway going through TESTS/RESULTS and receiving of the information...... Those of you who have gone through it, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
Tuesday 3 November 2015
I have the scars to remind me!
26/04/14 All is good, i'm feeling great and positive. I'm enjoying work and the variety it brings to my life. I can't quite believe it's been almost 12 months since finishing my treatment. It's weird because I think "well that did happen" and although I have the scars to remind me, I kind of just get on with it. BUT, then the reality pops up and reminds me it may never be the end of it.
I have just spent the morning talking to my friend in Australia she has stage 1 and needs surgery on Tuesday which is rubbish news and i'm wishing I had gone to Sydney but we didn't get there!! I feel great talking to her and hopefully helping even in a small way. Then there is Steven Sutton, just came on the news again about him having terminal cancer and he has raised 2 and a half million for the childrens cancer charity. Amazing and if i'm ever faced with the same situation I would want to raise 1 million for CancerCare :) .... = 1 year funding not much really.
It's Starwalk tonight and the video will be shown. I worry about people thinking I have done it for me but it really really isn't. I felt so good that my hairdresser went and got checked because she had a lump, it was nothing but she said because of me she checked and that's all I want is for people to be aware it can happen and if it does happen CancerCare will be there if they are needed. That is such a good feeling.
www.cancercare.org.uk
I have just spent the morning talking to my friend in Australia she has stage 1 and needs surgery on Tuesday which is rubbish news and i'm wishing I had gone to Sydney but we didn't get there!! I feel great talking to her and hopefully helping even in a small way. Then there is Steven Sutton, just came on the news again about him having terminal cancer and he has raised 2 and a half million for the childrens cancer charity. Amazing and if i'm ever faced with the same situation I would want to raise 1 million for CancerCare :) .... = 1 year funding not much really.
It's Starwalk tonight and the video will be shown. I worry about people thinking I have done it for me but it really really isn't. I felt so good that my hairdresser went and got checked because she had a lump, it was nothing but she said because of me she checked and that's all I want is for people to be aware it can happen and if it does happen CancerCare will be there if they are needed. That is such a good feeling.
www.cancercare.org.uk
Monday 2 November 2015
I broke down at my friends funeral, it was so hard.
28/12/13 (My mums birthday)
It was my friends funeral 23-12-13 and I found it very difficult, I was in the church and felt totaly overwhelmed with emotion and I couldn't stop crying, I alsmost felt as though I shouldn't have been there. Lot's of questions going round in my head and feeling almost guilty for being alive. Another emotion that I wasn't expecting to feel. Elena was so upset we left after the service. I couldn't go to the graveyard or to the pub so me & Flash went shopping to Preston to keep busy. Elena was at mums.
I'm just waiting for the results of my bone scan i'm certain all will be ok I just have some back ache probably with working full time and my posture is bad!
Christmas is all done it was lovely, Christmas Eve with Lou & boys having our traditional Christmas Eve mulled wine. Elena woke us up at 6.10 and I did wonder if there would be the same excitement and oh yes she screamed the house down when she opened her 'Naked 3 pallet' from Urban Decay!! I was on the phone to Sue at the time and she came flying through to see her open the rest of her presents. Elena skyped Amelia & Noah in Australia, I love their relationship and I know it will be strong for ever more. Mums birthday but i'm feeling crap just a cold but didn't sleep well. Me & Max at home and Elena at her dads. Flash at work. Max is same as me full of cold, so we are chilling.
It was my friends funeral 23-12-13 and I found it very difficult, I was in the church and felt totaly overwhelmed with emotion and I couldn't stop crying, I alsmost felt as though I shouldn't have been there. Lot's of questions going round in my head and feeling almost guilty for being alive. Another emotion that I wasn't expecting to feel. Elena was so upset we left after the service. I couldn't go to the graveyard or to the pub so me & Flash went shopping to Preston to keep busy. Elena was at mums.
I'm just waiting for the results of my bone scan i'm certain all will be ok I just have some back ache probably with working full time and my posture is bad!
Christmas is all done it was lovely, Christmas Eve with Lou & boys having our traditional Christmas Eve mulled wine. Elena woke us up at 6.10 and I did wonder if there would be the same excitement and oh yes she screamed the house down when she opened her 'Naked 3 pallet' from Urban Decay!! I was on the phone to Sue at the time and she came flying through to see her open the rest of her presents. Elena skyped Amelia & Noah in Australia, I love their relationship and I know it will be strong for ever more. Mums birthday but i'm feeling crap just a cold but didn't sleep well. Me & Max at home and Elena at her dads. Flash at work. Max is same as me full of cold, so we are chilling.
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