Magazine feature!

11/12/17 So tomorrow is the day that the story of the 'Knocker Jotter' is featured in Woman's Own magazine. 16 wonderful women from the support group that I set up in 2015 are sharing their stories and scars about having surgery for cancer. The Scarletts wanted to help others in someway by sharing their experiences and giving support to anyone faced with the next steps of treatment which is surgery and reconstruction in some cases.

I saw my blog on fb as a memory and realised how long it has been since I wrote anything the memory was about my surgery for lipo filler and a new nipple and this prompted me to write again. So many things have changed and happened in such a short space of time such as the image shows I now have hair. I have slimmed down and I am back umpiring netball for England where I used to be before the big 'C' wow my life is not consumed by cancer anymore thank goodness all is good for me now!

Post Cancer 5 years from diagnosis!

Saving My Arse by Mark Davies and My fb group Phoenix!

06/01/16 I have met some incredible people over the time I have been a member of the exclusive club that no-one really wants to be a member of, the 'Cancer Club' and I soon realised that I may not have the talent to be an author like Mark Davies who wrote the book 'Saving My Arse' (Bowel Cancer: A Survivor's Story) but I may be able to help just one other person with the isolation of a cancer diagnosis.

I know that no matter how much family support you have the only people that really know what it is like to live with cancer is someone who has had it or has got it. For those of you who know me will understand when I say "you know what I mean". I use it all the time when I am supporting a new member of the 'club' and can see in them how we hold back. Support is important so I have created a facebook group called Phoenix where we can chat and arrange activities whether it be walking or  having a coffee, early days though.

I am not underestimating my family support however talking to another cancer club member is totally different, "you know what I mean"...............

I'm alive to see my grandson being born!

13/12/15 How cruel life can be and then here is the wonderful miracle of a new life, my grandson being born. Cancer, mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy, reconstruction, bruising, bereavement, new nipple, cording, lymphedema, physiotherapy all become insignificant when I am holding my grandson in my arms. With all that some people still consider me to be brave and strong but really I am the luckiest woman alive and I appreciate the good and the happy times. Here's to 2016 being the start of a positive and happy future :) :)

All for a new nipple!!!! The guilt of surgery, where is that in the text book?

11/12/15 So I went in for my surgery and oh how little did I prepare myself for it. The level of pain and discomfort was not what I thought would happen. I kept saying "I'm having fat from here and put in here and a new nipple" and yes it sounds that simple in comparison to the last surgery but the bruising that came with it was so painful, I had 11 puncture holes where I had lipo taken from. But here I am just over a week later and I am back at work http://www.cancercare.org.uk/  and getting on with it. I have had so many emotions and especially the guilt of having chosen to have this surgery but part of my job is supporting others through their recovery and I have soon realised that for me and my recovery I needed to do this. I need to have scars that I can cope with and not be reminded that I am different by having just one breast. To me that meant I had to have Cancer cut out of me for me to carry on with my life. That is ok but to feel so different was hard for me to accept as the 'norm'.
I may look like Frankenstein under my clothes but you know what I am truly happy and proud of my scars now and as my husband say "you have a great rack" no-one has ever said that to me.

My brother dies, my grandson was almost born and I have surgery!

23/11/15 What a week it has been! My amazing daughter went into early labour and stayed in hospital a week as my grandson would have been 6 weeks early. She is home now and trying to cope with the discomfort.... Whilst visiting her I had a message to say my eldest brother Michael was seriously ill in hospital so I popped across to visit him and 20 minutes later he died. All that I have been through, cancer, nursing dad then him dieing whilst I was having my treatment but this has really knocked me. It is just so sad that my big brother is no longer with us. I had the opportunity to tell him I loved him and see him but the emotions are so raw and unexpected. It was made even more difficult having to tell my mum her eldest son has died.

I have more surgery on Wednesday to finish off my reconstruction and what should be a celebration I feel might be very underwhelming under the circumstances. I hope this feeling of emotion subsides soon but time will be the thing to make a difference.

I can't express how much I am looking forward to my grandson being here. He will be able to feel the love in my heart, I will make sure of that.

A set back great!

02/12/14 7am and to get ready to go and see my consultant, I had a set back - infection and an open wound so back to the RLI and intravenous antibiotics and dressing changes. Audra came with me and I almost collapsed but thanks to her supporting me I was well looked after and home the next day. I am hoping today (into 7th week) he will let me drive and get back to work. It's a fine line of resting and getting depressed so I will explain how it's making me feel. I had cabin fever not being able to drive and not having friends who don't work, it was pants.

22/12/14 All went well at my appointment and I am now back at work and don't I know it. all sorts happening but now first day of Christmas hols. Physio this morning then shopping in the hope of getting sorted for Christmas. Flash has decided we are having a family/friends party on Boxing Day.

What a party it was, fantastic :)

Reconstruction, the gown & stockings are coming!

19/10/14 Here in hospital finally ready for my reconstruction. I've had an emotional weekend with everyone being with me. John having some big decisions to make about coming home or staying with his dad. Jenna being her amazing self, organising and getting me ready. She is wonderful. Elena is her preoccupied 11 yr old self gorgeous and lost in her own world building relationships and enjoying life. She makes me smile.
20/10/14 5.50am (the morning of my op) Just borrowed a charger off one of the nurses and can now let Flash know how much I love him. He is my rock never letting me down and making me feel safe and loved no matter how I look. This has all been made so much easier because I have him and all his love. So all is going to change in the next few hours. I know I am going to be in pain but others have done it and it's all bed worth it. I really hope my kids don't freak out. I've text Flash to ask Elena if she wants to come, i'm not sure it's a good idea today. It's really bizarre how much calmer I felt once I got here to hospital, I think it's been to waiting and the count down to it. My room is massive, I suppose for all the stuff I will need. My surgeon is lovely and I trust him so much with the op today. He has given me a lot of confidence remembering all the details of who I am. I'm a twin etc...... lovely lovely gentleman. There's a real calm in the air - clock ticking and empty rooms all around it's very quiet up this end of the ward. The nurses are lovely, the few I have met and I am feeling totally happy with everything. :) Nurse Chris is looking after me and she is great, i'm happy, she is excited for me and can't wait to see my new 'boob'. It all begins from here first checks done and gown and stockings coming eeeeeeeK!!!!!!!!!!!